Have you ever felt lost? Or have the gnawing inkling at the back of your mind that you’ve forgotten something important? Did you turn off the faucet? Was the stove left on? You drive to your daily grind knowing something is amiss but you simply cannot place your finger on it?
Welcome to my world.
I’ve been feeling exactly like this and it was all triggered, ironically, when I got laid off from my extremely stressful job over a year ago. With no stress or mundanity to distract me any more, I could feel my spirit squirming to get out from underneath the debris I allowed it to be buried under. When it broke the surface, a marvelous exhale could be heard through-out my life and then a simple, lulling question.
“How in the hell did I get here and what do I do now?”
Alright, technically that’s two questions. For months I’ve been floating aimlessly, barely skimming my dreams of becoming a published author, a respected spiritual teacher, a darn creative soul simply because I’m afraid to plug my nose and dive deep. I’m fearful of failure and, yes, I am fully aware of how unproductive that is. How will I know how successful and fulfilling my life can be if I don’t takes risks and TRY?
I never used to be like this — lazy, unsure, procrastinating. As a child and teen I always had the verve to go the extra mile and then some. I relished at a challenge and soared when I accomplished a goal. Yet the older I had become, the more I got sucked into what society and what They, Inc. declared should be my priorities: get married, buy a home, have kids, have a career, retire.
Honestly, it’s not all that it’s cracked up to be because I’ve witnessed friends divorce, lose their homes to foreclosure, get laid off, and in the process get screwed out of their retirement. THE OLD RULES NO LONGER APPLY. I know I’m not the only one who feels this way. Who feels the urge to break the outdated mold and dare to try something different. So, the time has come for new rules and personally, I want my damn drive back. No more brainless, zombie corporate jobs for me. No more of trying it “their way”. It’s time for MY WAY. I want to surge with unlimited creativity. I want to live a fulfilling, prosperous life in body, mind, and spirit. I want to seek within, find my inner divine spark, and toss a bunch of kerosene on it to get the light roaring again.
I want to have FUN. Remember that? Fun? Not sarcastic jokes, not jackass tricks, not shallow entertainment of regurgitated ideas (don’t get me started on Lady Gaga), and definitely not partying until you blackout. I’m talking about the JOY in having FUN. The JOY in doing what you do. To be able to have the biggest, silliest grin plastered on your face while you do the work of your inner flame / spark / child / caffeinated squirrel / what have you.
This is what I seek. This is what I want.